This was a good week by most accounts.
It’s no secret that I see the glass as half-empty, or leaking , or completely shattered at any given time. So, by not being in hysterics this week (really, I don’t think I cried at all in the last seven days!) is an odd feeling by Saturday morning. I kind of like it, in a way that you like another state when you go on vacation. It’s nice, but I don’t know if I’d like to live here… Did I just say that I don’t want to live in constant contentment? Perhaps I need a few more vacations here to decide.
Breathing has been free, my yoga regimen still going strong. I have joined a gym, but have failed to venture out yet. The idea is still intimidating. All those people! Yikes.
I have been reading a variety of books – dare I say, “self-help?” – that span from the Bible, to Buddhist teachings, to accounts of other women who start off on rocky roads and make full transformations. Am I looking for answers? Yes. Have I found anything? Not even a little bit. That is not to say that there isn’t some great inspiration in these pages, I just haven’t felt that twinge of Eureka! yet.
Some headway has been made with the impending move, although I’m not over-the-moon about my choice. It will be a sacrifice. A back-step that will ultimately be a giant leap forward. I must keep that in mind. Lots of work ahead. Overtime, throw in a college course or two, maybe I’ll see my children before they graduate…college.
My up-and-coming divorce is FINALLY underway. It’s only been 20 months since I made the choice to leave. I hesitate to even give this joker a name. But that will be it. Joker works. He has gone out of his way to make the path to divorce very difficult for me, for no apparent reason other than pure amusement on his part. But I’ve taken control of the situation, and I am happy to begin the process.
Even Heart had a pleasant week, which is saying something. Conversations have been fluid. Some very deep, others lighthearted. I have enjoyed some very wonderful (albeit stolen) moments with Mr X – or as I’ve come to think of him since my last post – Maestro. Am I crossing boundaries? Yes. I drew a line in the sand when all of this began to unravel and all I’ve done is erase it over and over again.
My justification is that they are my lines, and I will do with them what I please. Maestro draws his own, and follows the same mantra, it would seem. Either way, it has been a good week, even by Heart standards.
I had thought to add my usual negativity to this post by making account of all that failed to go smoothly this week, but I don’t think I will. For now, I will run against character and bask in the rays of light instead of wallowing in the darkness. It is foreign territory, so I am treading softly, and admiring every ripple in the sand.
Operation: Force Myself to Write is full steam ahead!