I have been stuck in a certain limbo for a few weeks. Not really coming or going anywhere. Just waiting. Impatiently. Tapping a heeled shoe on the marble floor of an empty room in high anticipation. The echoes inside my head are overwhelming. As the time draws near to act on the next stage of life, my eyes are locked on the sand falling. Grain by grain, I have to wonder if there is a clog somewhere.
When the last grain does finally fall, it will be chaos. The timing of my next move couldn’t come at a more inconvenient date. At the beginning of the school year, my children and I will once again be moving. This time into a home instead of out, which is positive. But the start of a school year coinciding with a household move is stressful. It feels like eternity since the children and I have lived under the same roof, and I can hardly wait to begin the next chapter of our lives together. That being said, the move itself is going to be bananas. New schools, new friends, new house, new rules. Change. Sadly, fear and panic of change is a trait that I have passed on to them. But they all seem anxious to start, so I am hopeful that the disruption will be dimmed by the excitement. Until then, we will continue to wait.
And then there’s Heart.
Heart has been locked in suspense during my hiatus from progress. There has been very little satisfaction given as far as Heart is concerned, although she has cherished the morsels that have been received. Few and far between, I have made efforts to allow Heart a quick fix. It hasn’t been easy for me, given my current living situation, but Heart has a way of digging in her heels. As is always the case, though, Heart needs more. From within, there is nagging and prodding. I’m not sure how, but Heart managed to get a hold of a tiny blade, and has been generous with the pokes. I have tried to explain that there is not much I can do at the moment, and to just please be patient, but Heart will hear nothing of it. The little drug addict.
I would like to say today that Heart is for patience. But the minuscule holes inside my chest are evidence that it is not. No, on this day, Heart is for devotion. Waiting may not be her strong suit, but she is nothing if not 100% devoted to her love. And the waiting is necessary. The waiting comes with the territory. There is nothing that will stop the waiting until the time is right. Heart has no control over the time and she knows it. That doesn’t mean she embraces it. But she is fully aware that time control is not one of her powers. The clogs in the sand mean nothing to Heart. They only add more time to the already endless wait. And what difference does it make if time is extended on infinity?
What's A Heart For 